I tend to create dramatic changes in my life during:
1) High stressful times
2) The beginning and end to a relationship that I am romantically involved with
3) Insecurities are exposed
4) Burnout
Throughout these times I have created a blog, started a handwritten journal, smoked on and off, gone vegetarian for a couple of months, grown out my hair for over a year three times, listened to new music, and many more things I can discuss later. I did all these because I wanted to focus on a positive change in my life rather than what I was currently going through. All of these were failed attempts, even the blog. The purpose for this blog was a way to channel my emotions and feelings because of what I was going through. After I got over what I was going through, I stopped posting. I now use this blog as an avenue to have people read my thoughts without interruption, which is a better use of my time.
We are all human beings that convince ourselves into having drastic changes in our life. Creating new ways to communicate or developing new personal changes are ways to force us to believe that progress has been made. It is a way to comfort why we, for a quick moment, remove ourselves from what is going on.
I am guilty of both convincing myself about these changes and convincing others that this is the way to recovery for their issue. Whether I decided to go on a road trip to get away from the worries of work, or try to convince a friend to take a cruise to get her mind off of an old love, neither of those will change the way I ultimately felt about the situation. We have to realize that these are phases we muster to cope and feel better about ourselves. It is only a way to cope with your problem(s) instead of actually starting something new and sustaining that change.
I will use the example of starting a blog to prove my point. Many of my friends have started blogs. Their typical opening post goes something like this, “Im starting a blog, don’t know what I am going to put on it but I thought this was a good idea. Great way to post my thoughts/music/poems/videos! So excited!”. And I am sure they get comments from friends close to them supporting their efforts. But after a couple of months and a couple of posts….the desire and passion for writing in the blog goes out the window, just like my passion to be a vegetarian. After that, you go back to your slump of feeling disempowered and questioning your will and self worth. The only difference now is that you have one more item to add to your list of things that are incomplete: you blog. The one thing you felt good about is just more evidence to your Self deprivation.
Been there. Done that.
My message to that one person who is seeking some change or solution: Go ahead and start your blog or new workout routine, but in the situation where it falls short of your expectations, realize that it failed because it was not the right avenue for you. Put your efforts elsewhere. Focus on what you got and what makes you comfortable instead of changing something that doesn’t need to change. It is all about the process, not the end goal.
Find new places to venture where you live. Enjoy the new friendships that are flourishing in front of you. Rekindle old bff’s who used to hear you out in the middle of the night when you had gossip or needed someone to tell you that you were right. We all have different ways to deal with our issues. The road to feeling better is not by focusing on the solution or the end goal, it is about the process.
Enjoy the car ride, and who cares if the destination is not what you expected.
Still wants to go on that cruise,
-DM
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